Into Insta-love

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Love comes in all forms. – Francine

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So for the next few weeks, I will be talking about common romance themes in books. I’m not sure if I’ll continue this after the month so anything can happen. Today’s topic is insta-love. I think some bloggers will be tackling this subject in the last weeks of February. I forgot where I saw it. But I’ve been meaning to write about this since last year.

Please note that this merely consists of my thoughts regarding the matter, and I am open to everyone’s opinion.

I didn’t really know the concept of insta-love until I became active in the book blogosphere. I must admit that until now I barely know what it means. Needless to say, I have nothing against it, and I even fall in love with books with insta-love. I mostly find out that it is considered insta-love when I read another review that points it out.

As I understand it, insta-love is a kind of relationship development when a the two characters instantly know that they want to be together in a day/week/etc. And I honestly don’t know what is wrong with that. Yes, it is true that they barely know each other, but it doesn’t mean they can’t do so. I think what’s important is the connection between the characters, and how an author is able to convince its readers. I’m a big fan of romance, and I believe anything can happen. I don’t think the time is important, but rather how it is felt.

Author Veronica Roth talks about how it is the author’s responsibility to make the relationship feel real, but she also points out that we shouldn’t easily discount what one first felt in a relationship. I think that she asked really good questions and made a couple of good points so it might be nice to read the article. I also found another interesting read from Breaking the Binding. She admits that she hates insta-love in books, but she admits that it actually happens with teens. She says that insta-love has some grounds in reality, but it doesn’t mean one has to like it. I would lastly like to share Nitzan’s post at Drugs Called Books entitled Forgiving Insta-love. She posted this one in 2013 and I was already following her blog at the time, and I particularly liked this one. What’s so special about it is that Nitzan talks about her friend’s true love story. It was insta-love. In fact the story feels a little like something one could find in a book. But it’s all real! Out of all the links, I recommend to read Nitzan’s.Β I’m sure there are a lot more posts about insta-love. The internet has it all.

I am in no position to say what anyone should believe. But I believe that love can take any form. I would lastly like to share my own experience if no one would mind. If you do, then go ahead and skip to the comment section and sound off what you feel about the matter. Continuing my story, I met this guy a few days ago. He was my best friend’s high school classmate. It wasn’t love at first sight nor was it about appearances. It was more about what happened that day I met him. And I honestly could not stop thinking about him. I have only spent about 9 hours with him, and I didn’t even interact with him for the first 2 or 3 hours because I’m an introvert like that. My best friend’s advice is to just go for it and confess my feelings for him. We’re all Japanese anime lovers so he suggested I do it like the girls do in an anime with a letter. So I will share what I’ve written so far. I might still change it up. You can offer advice about it too, and tell me if I’m being crazy. I would greatly appreciate it. Also, I hope he doesn’t find and read this post until I tell him. Lol. Also the ones in parentheses are not part of the actual letter.

  • I don’t really know what you know about me, but I liked how you opened a conversation with the mention of a book (He asked me about An Abundance of Katherines by John Green). I don’t find a lot of people who do that. In fact, I’ve never met a person in real life who would talk books with me. (I’m sure a couple of bookworms would agree. Instant swoon. :P) I like how you called me by my full first name (Francine Soleil). It reminds me of The Fault in Our Stars (which he read) and how Augustus’ endearingly calls her Hazel Grace. I admire your fascination with the aesthetics of beautiful words. I relate to your fondness for paper, and I like how you repurpose some into a thing of beauty (he makes origami).
  • I thank you kindly for your patience and for holding my hand throughout the whole ordeal of teaching me how to iceskate. I went into that rink thinking that I’d be a failure, but you showed me that I had more in me than I care to believe. I like how you cared about my little emergency on the car ride home. That just about melted my heart. I find you kind and charming.
  • “I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.” (John Β Green, The Fault in Our Stars) I must confess that I’m afraid of telling you this, but I once read that it’s okay to do it afraid. The unexpectedness of life shouldn’t reign us. I don’t meet a lot of people like you and I dare not pass off the chance. You don’t know much about me, and I can’t promise you’d like what you’ll find, but would you like to give it a chance? I’d really like to know you more.

Am I a little too sappy? XD

To anyone interested to answer, what is insta-love all about? Do you hate insta-love? Do you like insta-love? What makes you like or hate it? Or simply just tell me whatever you think or feel about insta-love.

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15 thoughts on “Into Insta-love

  1. To me insta-love doesn’t mean insta-lust. I’ve of course met people and been super attracted to them and wanted to be with them immediately but there are characters in books who tell each other they LOVE each other within a mere week. That’s the difference that I don’t like. When I’m reading a book and these characters meet and then a week later the narration is how much this character is in love with another character and can’t live without them and I’m like but we don’t even know anything about this person to know if we love them yep! Insta-love is the same concept of love at first sight for me and I don’t think that’s possible. So then the books become unrealistic and that’s another thing I don’t like. But if you just mean lust at first sight, that totally does exist and when books do that it’s totally fine! For me, it’s all about being realistic.

    • Hmmm. I see what you mean. But I also think it’s possible to start saying you love a person after a week that is if you do know the person well enough already. I think it all lies in the development. πŸ™‚

  2. I totally believe in insta-love. I wasn’t a believer until I met my actual boyfriend, and I realized it is possible to feel all this unexpected and intense feelings towards someone you barely know. I think it is because of the connection you make. Like you said in your letter, not every day you meet someone with such a bundle of qualities or interests that wake your admiration in such manner. So to sum up, it is possible to have a powerful connection with someone you just met. Doesn’t happen a lot, but it does, and it is always great to read about such love stories. Of course it has to be believable; the connection has to be there!

    And regarding your letter, I say go for it! Like I said, these opportunities don’t present themselves every day, and chances are that it’ll take a long time before you find someone else that makes that kind of impression on you, so I would risk it. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

    Good luck!

    • Oooh. I’d love to know how it worked out with your boyfriend. πŸ˜€ I like how you mentioned that it doesn’t happen a lot. Maybe that’s why some people find it so hard to believe. But I definitely believe it, and I love the connection people form in a matter of moments.

      And thank you so much for your advice. This is what my best friend has been telling me. And you made me smile with your support for it too. Thank you so much, Valeria. πŸ˜€

  3. My gut reaction is that I don’t like insta-love; however, when it is done well, I am usually okay with it. I guess I don’t like insta-love when it isn’t executed well. Lovely post. πŸ™‚

  4. My friends over at A Novel Idea! are running an event called Instalove 101, and this post fits perfectly in the theme. As for my thoughts on this subject, I generally do not like instalove, I guess? It depends on how it’s presented and done. Like, I really loved “The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight,” but also because of the depth that the author wrote her characters and how they dealt with difficult things.

    As for my own experiences with love, I do think that first feelings are important. However, I need something else to go on before deciding “Yes, I love this person.” Because for me, “love” implies that I am ready to give a huge part of myself to this person. I guess that’s why I think “instalike” exists for me, but I don’t want to fall into “instalove.” Because even if I spent just a few hours with a person, I will get to find a lot about about them, and that’s great. However, before I get into a relationship with someone, I need to understand the parts of them that I haven’t seen. Meeting them for the first time, they may have been putting their best foot forward. Maybe they have some kind of front, because whether we mean to or not, we all put up some kind of front when meeting someone for the first time. I want to know all sides of them, not just what they’re like when they’re with me in a public social situation. I need to know these things and go beyond just what I feel from their first impression, and that’s when I think that I can say that I am in love.

    I mean, that’s what happened with my boyfriend and I. We had a really good first meeting, but I didn’t feel like “omg I love him” after that. It was only after we were friends for months and talking constantly, seeing all sides of each other (good or bad), that I believed that “yes, I want to be in a relationship with this boy, and I am ready for that.”

    But that’s just me and my two cents. Wow, this comment got long.

    • That’s the event I was looking for! Thanks for pointing it out, Ana. I knew I saw it somewhere. Lol.

      Hmmm. I think I see your point. It’s true that it would be really good to get to know the person more first, but I don’t think getting to know a person cannot really be defined by time. I think it’s more on how you mesh together. Maybe. Or maybe it’s just different for everyone. And I like how you got to know your boyfriend more. I guess it all depends on the different situations. πŸ˜€

      • Very true. You can get to know a person slowly or quickly, but for me, the most important thing is seeing how they are in a variety of situations. It is different for everyone though, and I like to spend more time in the “friends” phase because the last time I moved quickly to the “let’s be boyfriend/girlfriend!” phase, it did not work out well HAHA!

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  6. First and foremost, that is a great letter and I hope I find someone I can send a letter like that to.

    Now, on to insta-love. I’ve known about this concept for quite some time, so I’ve had a lot of time to think on it and form opinions.

    I think ever since insta-love became a Thing, people have become too eager to slap the insta-love label on fictional relationships. I will say that I don’t particularly like insta-love–when I think it actually is insta-love. In my opinion, you’re completely right when you say that it’s not the length of time, but the feelings in it. What makes insta-love so blech for me is the lack of a foundation supporting the characters’ feelings.

    Obviously, lust happens, and lust can make things seem more glorious than they truly are. In real life, it can be hard to discern the truth in your feelings. However, authors should be able to tell whether they’ve established a legitimate, meaningful connection, or if they’ve established hormones. If the relationship you’ve thrown at us really is just hormones doing their thing, don’t try to play it off as some poignant story about endless love. If your characters are professing their undying love for each other after a week and they don’t even know anything about each other? That’s when it becomes unbearable for me.

    Why exactly do they love each other? Why do they work so well together? If the answer to those questions is unclear, then I will not be able to jump on board. And I don’t want to be told–I want to be shown. So, while some romantic spiels about why Character is so wonderfully special can be cute, if the words are not backed up by the actions…NO NO NO. If there is no solid foundation for a romance to stand on, I can’t believe it, or believe IN it.

    But if an author has shown the two characters share things, and better each other, make each other smile despite all the odds? If the author simply plants the seed? Even if it all takes place in an hour, I’m gung-ho. I love being able to see the connection grow and strengthen. I love seeing two characters discover each other and realistically work out their feelings for each other.

    • Thank you so much. πŸ˜€

      I definitely agree that some people can be too eager to brand something as such.And I’m so glad you agree with me that it’s all based on the development of the relationship.

      I really love your comment. I don’t think I could have said it better. All in all, I think it’s how we are able to believe in it. πŸ™‚

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  8. Personally, when I mention insta-love in a review, it means that the love happens with nothing to really go behind it. They have absolutely no reason (for lack of a better word) to “love” them. To me, this mean there is no depth, it doesn’t feel real, and hence, doesn’t give me that magically, giggly, “ooh” feeling.

    I don’t really crash the idea of instant attraction, or love that happens quickly – just mostly when it doesn’t feel real. If an author can make it feel real in a couple of hours, then woolah!

    I like the links you gave us. There are some real interesting perspectives there.

    AND HOLY SMOKING CHICKENS! THIS GUY TALKED BOOKS WITH YOU? ARE YOU KIDDING?

    That’s heart stopping. Go for it girl. Sappy or not. Do It.

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