From BFFs to More

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Love comes in all forms. – Francine

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So last week, I talked about insta-love and how I’m into it. I also provided links for some other articles on the subject. I also received a lot of wonderful comments from both sides and I loved seeing everyone’s opinions on the matter. So today I have a topic that is on the opposite side of the spectrum. I want to talk about best friends that turn into lovers.

I’m pretty sure a lot of people like this trope because best friends are normally perfect for each other. Best friends know each other so well and possibly even more than anyone else. They spend so much time together and they always have each other’s backs. They’re like a match made in heaven, right?

Well, I dislike this kind of relationship. Actually, I’m more open to it now that I’ve read a couple of books, but my gut reaction had always been to be skeptical about it. I think the reason for this is mostly because of the environment I grew up in and the relationships I’ve had. I’ve spent twenty years of my life growing alongside three brothers. I don’t have sisters. And for some part of my life, I gained three guy best friends. Two of them were from high school and the other one was from university. I got really close with these three guys, and there may or may haven’t been chemistry. At one point, they all started liking me, and it just felt really weird for me because they’re all like brothers to me. And I have brothers and I’m not into incestuous behavior. I know they’re not blood relatives, but it still feels like that to me. Needless to say, any attempt on romantic relationships with them didn’t really work out.

I guess I have my own reservations about this, but I have found a couple of books that I did like despite this trope. And there are also ones that I didn’t like. I’m not really sure when it’s okay or when it isn’t. Like most books, it all depends on the writing and the situations presented. It also depends on the characters and how they are with each other. I think I like it most when it’s just them and there is no one else. Does that make sense? It’s like there are a lot of fish in the sea, but they never really strayed away from each other. Yes, they also had reservations about the relationship, but the attraction was undeniable.

Here are some books that I liked with bestfriends-to-lovers relationships: (each image is linked to their Goodreads page)

Click to Subscribe Conjure Always and Forever Noughts & Crosses

To anyone interested to answer, what do you think about those relationships where they start out as best friends? Do you like it or dislike it? Do you know any good books that portrays this kind of relationship well? Do you have real-life stories where this happened? Tell me anything related to this topic. 🙂

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7 thoughts on “From BFFs to More

  1. *wipes happy tears away* Oh Noughts & Crosses :3

    I don’t know. I have been really good friends with Martin before we actually started dating, then again I have always found him to be a potential dating person, but I didn’t really want to get involved into a long distance relationship. I don’t mind that, but when you and a best friend start dating and you break up, you lose this great friendship, at least, at first. It will be extremely awkward. (This is what I am now experiencing with my ex boyfriend, who actually talks to me about all the ‘sexual’ stuff he does with his current girlfriend. I don’t want to know). The nice part about it is, that you actually know the person you’re dating well, it’s not like you have a few dates, start a relationship and you actually have to get to know each other. This already happened if you’ve had a long lasting relationship with your friend. But I don’t know. I like guy friends, I sometimes happen to get along with guys better than girls.

  2. Mm…this is a hard topic. I have mixed feelings about it. I have to agree with Sandra that sometimes this kind of relationships work for the best. I mean, when you have a close relationship with someone, it is easier, on the one hand, to jump into a more romantic relationship, because you really know the person, so you have a clear picture of what you are getting into. Plus, someone once told me that love = times. To know someone is to love them (in any kind of way), so it definitely helps to know well someone before starting something else. But on the other hand, there is always this constant fear that if anything goes wrong with the relationship, you’ll be loosing a wonderful friend, so that’s a risk you need to asses. I think sometimes it is really worth to take the risk. I’ve always thought that you know in your gut if the relationship is going to work from the beggining, but sometimes we choose to ignore that feeling, and that’s when things go wrong. I guess it will always depend on the situation, but in my experience when it comes to boy-girl friendships at some point almost always someone starts feeling different towards the other (romanticly speaking). You can get past that and maintain the status quo, but it happens.

    Finally, I will like to add that we girls tend to over think this kind of stuff, but sometimes we need to realize that the guy we have considered to be “such a good friend” never really was. Sometimes they are investing in that friendship because they are hoping for something more since the beggining. I’ve talked to friends who ended up dating other friends and then broke up (they are back together now, though); but it was very harsh to realize that after the break up both sides were feeling totally different. She was lamenting to having lost a wonderful friend, and he was confessing that they weren’t ever really friends, because he always had feelings for her. So girls, keep an eye out, because sometimes that wonderful friend is really looking for something else, and eventually that friendship will blow up, wether you decide to date him, and hopefully live happily ever after, or if you choose to not reciprocate his feelings, he will eventually distance himself, because it gets too painful.

  3. I don’t know, I quite like best friend romances in books. There’s something about the whole having a love interest who understands you so well that really appeals to me. I can appreciate that it might not be the best thing in real life though, because if that couple then breaks up, it’s like, their friendship is basically broken too (in a lot of cases).

    hmm…don’t know if I can think of too many examples of it though (cue book amnesia). Maybe Anna and the French Kiss? Oh! On the Fence by Kasie West! That book actually isn’t out yet, but I read an ARC and that was quite fantastic 🙂

  4. I like the friends to loves trope. I think this trope works best when it is clear that both characters clearly liked each other prior to becoming lovers, something just got in the way.

  5. I’ve never read any of those books before so I don’t know them specifically. I do know that best friends to lovers is touchy. Sometimes in books I enjoy it and other times I just want to shout at the characters that they are confusing their feelings! Sometimes people feel so comfortable with someone they think it could be feelings but not always. I don’t have any brothers (or siblings at all, for that matter) so I know that I can have this issue with boys where I get confused about my feelings and I think that if I had brothers maybe it would be less confusing. I definitely have found that girl characters in books without siblings seem to confuse their feelings for friends where the girls with brothers happen to have friendships with guys easily without feelings! There has to be a connection there!

  6. In books, this relationship can be hit-and-miss for me. I don’t like it when the relationship is portrayed as one side being totally in love with the other for years and there’s angsty unrequited love that comes on for pages and pages. Or when the relationship seems codependent to the point that it becomes unhealthy. And yes, the “she’s totally going to end up with her BFF” trope is a little cliche.

    But still, I have a soft spot for it. Mainly because if Protagonist meets someone and immediately goes into “omg I have to have this person” mode, sometimes they’ll fall in love with what they project onto that other person instead of seeing the person for who they really are (e.g. (500) Days of Summer). Like I said in my instalove comment, I want to get to know the person first before deciding that maybe I really like them and would eventually like to pursue a relationship with them. I like BFFs to more stories that show the progression of a friendship, from really close friends to realising that “Hey, this person makes me happier than anyone else” even with knowing all their flaws or your flaws.

    I also have a soft spot for this relationship because it’s how my boyfriend and I got together. We met, decided the other person was pretty cool, and spent a lot of time together. We didn’t put up fronts with our best foot forward and knew the flaws in each other. But here we are, and I am the happiest I have ever been in love. 🙂

  7. Pingback: Weekly Digest 03 | Read Me Away

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